It has been 8880 hours since my last post. Some might ask what he could have been doing all that time; surely he could have posted something, that’s over 3000 movies worth of time! Yes, you are right; I have been the slack sloth of your winter’s discontent and I’m at peace with that. I logged in today to find about 6,547 comments pending approval. For 1.5 seconds this developed some misplaced sense of motivation until I realised, they were all spam. So..why am I here you ask?

Truthfully, I’m here again due to my best friend and housemate. He sat down and read every post I ever made in one sitting today. All of them. I actually don’t know how he survived, so, in the interest of scientific progress and morbid fascination I’m going to write some more to figure it out…

Expect a review in the coming week amigos, in the meantime let me know if there is anything you want me to write on

The cinema goes dark and stays dark as the film begins, I hear breathing, I check to make sure my friend’s breathing is not amplified by speakers. I look back to the screen, still dark. Looking at my ticket I ask myself  ‘What have I done?’.  And then he lit the lighter.

Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynolds), a civilian truck driver in Iraq, wakes up to discover he is buried alive in a coffin. With a flask of whiskey, mobile phone and lighter his odds of survival are looking pretty dim. He realises that he has limited time to escape with a limited air supply and a mobile phone battery running out. Within only one very confined location he experiences a wide spectrum of emotions throughout his ordeal, anger, anxiety, remorse, sarcasm to name a few. It really demonstrates that Reynolds can actually act to save himself (pun may have been intended here). Also, this could be the first film I’ve seen where the mobile phone is a character, I found myself caring about the phone’s survival as Paul Conroy desparately communicated with the outside world.

The direction of Rodrigo Cortez is deftly considered, with a clever use of camera angles, truthful cinematography using only three sources of light. and well timed editing to keep the audience interested. On this point though I must forewarn you, if you are expecting a visual feast, full of exotic locales, explosions and ear melting sound effects you should immediately consider watching anything else but this film. Bambi would be more visually appealling.

An introspective dark void in the history of cinema you ask? Well a famous man once said that when a man looks into the void he’s sees himself. This movie tests your response to another man’s plight, your very indifference or empathy may reveal something of yourself or it might just reveal a terrible directorial approach to the subject matter…it’s for you to decide.

How to make an 80s/90s action flick

Key Ingredients

1. South American dictator
2. Woman to rescue
3. Simple story with simple words
4. Unmeasurable amount of C4 explosives
5. Lots of big name action stars
6. Witty one liners like “Consider that a divorce.” (Total Recall)
6. Testosterone filled violence
7. A derelict Spanish mansion to blow up

Method

Put all the ingredients into the film without any careful deliberation and serve while hype is hot.

Comments

Stallone is one crazy horse, 64 years of age and he decides to fight a professional mixed martial artist in one of the scenes. The inevitable happens and he breaks his neck…literally. Didn’t stop him though. He directs and stars in a film that serves as a last swan song to the over-the-top, testosterone fuelled movies of the eighties and nineties.

I’m not even going to bother telling you the plot because if this film is for you then you will know what the plot entails…nothing. This wouldn’t matter if there were a bevy of great one liners littering the script like a BP oil rig’s wanton disregard for environmental safety but unfortunately this was the ingredient missing from the list above. It was enjoyable seeing all of these big name actors on the screen together but man it could have gone nuclear if they had of had a decent script!